You’re So Pretty. Why Are You Still Single?

why are you still single?Most single women have been asked this question by a guy at one time or another. 

Something about this question stokes our insecurities.  Why aren’t we married? Is there something wrong with us?   

Why does this  question cause us to question ourselves? 

What Does Why Are You Still Single” Mean?

why are you still single

For a small percentage of guys, it is a way of complimenting women – in the most awkward way, possible, but they don’t know that.

The guy can’t believe a woman so beautiful wouldn’t have a pool of eligible bachelors asking for her hand in marriage.

However, for some, there is a definite subtext to the question.  What the guy is really wondering is:

– Why can’t you keep a man?
– Do you have some sort of baggage?
– Are you one of those feminists?
– What hidden defect do you have?

It’s no wonder this question automatically puts a woman in defense mode.

However, ladies, if you want to keep your cool and elegance, you’ll have to skip the sarcastic comeback.

The way to do that is to assume the best.

Scripture tells us that “whatsoever things are lovely, think on these things”.

So, let’s assume the guy has no emotional intelligence, but means well. How do you respond to such a question?

Chances are, he doesn’t mean to insult you,  especially if he asks you that while out on a date. 

He probably means to compliment you. He wants to tell you how attractive you are and is surprised you haven’t been “wifed” by someone yet.  

Possible Calm Answers to “You’re So Pretty.  Why Are You Still Single”?

Recently, I was listening to a podcast called Awesome Etiquette, which is run by Emily Post’s great, great grandchildren.  They gave some possible responses.

Option 1

I didn’t realize the two were connected.” 

 This should be said with a smile, otherwise it can come across as sarcastic.

Option 2

 If only it were that simple. 

Also say this with a smile.

This answer acknowledges the compliment, while educating the guy that one is not related to another. 

So now that I’ve given you two options, you will never be flustered by this question again. 

There is one more option, ladies.

The next time someone says, “You’re so pretty; why are you still single?”, smile sweetly and say, “Have you heard of a site called chastecourtship.com”?

Ladies, have you been asked this question?

How about the guys, have you asked this  before? 




Dear Cynthia: I am not attracted to my boyfriend. Should I break up with him?

Not Attracted to My Boyfriend

Dear Cynthia,
I have been seeing my current boyfriend for 2 months.  He is really nice, but I have no real desire to spend time with him, even though he treats me well.   I’m afraid I’m  just not attracted to my boyfriend.  In fact, he often repels me. 
I fear I haven’t broken up with him yet because I am desperate to be in a relationship. 
Should I break up with him or give the relationship some time?

First, let me say that I commend you for being willing to step outside of yourself and take a hard look at your feelings.

So many of us prefer to live in our delusional cocoons. break up with my boyfriend

Our minds are tricky things and we can convince ourselves of almost anything we want.

We can convince ourselves that we really care for someone if we are lonely and desperate to be in a relationship.

Many of us are also easily addicted to the idea of being in a relationship and have so much pride (what do we tell  our friends?) that we are willing to create avenues of no escape for ourselves.

Like all addictions, the endorphins that flood our bodies when we have a romantic partner makes it extremely hard to break up with someone.

“But he opens the car door for me and he brings me those purple flowers I adore”!

You are brave to set all that aside and really discern if this kind man is meant to be your future husband.

Marriage is for life and there are no second chances via divorce.  Well, there shouldn’t be.

I’m going to tell you now  that If you really are not attracted to him to the point of being repelled by him, it might be time to let him go. It isn’t going to get easier after marriage.

However,  not so fast.

Something you said caught my attention.

You mentioned that you have no true desire to see him.  Does that mean you limit your interaction with him?

If you do limit your interaction,  then it means you haven’t given him a chance to “woo” you or charm you.

Women are more attracted to a man’s confidence and personality, than they are to looks or money, whether they know it or not.

Generally, the more you are exposed to someone, the more attracted you become to them.  This is called the mere exposure effect .

Has he had the chance to “show you what he got”?

If you want to know for sure whether this guy is a good match and whether you should give him a chance, then make it a point to see him more often during the next couple of weeks.

Be honest with him and let him know that you are not sure if you are a good fit for each other and you would like to spend more time with him, so you can BOTH discern if the relationship is right.

I wish you the best and may St Ignatius help you to make the right choice.

How about you ladies and gents? Have you ever broken up with someone even though he or she was nice?

Tell us about it.

 





6 Reasons Why Traditional Catholic Women Should Never Pursue Men

Video Notes for “5 Reasons Why Traditional Catholic Women Should Never Pursue Men”

A common question I get is why don’t men pursue women?

The answer is simple: because they don’t have to.

Why should they when the women pursue them?

Below is the video notes for a video I did on the topic.

Watch the video at the bottom of the page, which goes into more detail.

Here are 5 Reasons Why Traditional Catholic Women Should Never Pursue Men (Video Notes)

 

1) You Won’t Know Whether He Was Ever Into You

If you ask him out and otherwise pursue him in the relationship, how will you know if he was ever into you? Some men just go along to get along. Some men are lazy. Some men have no qualms in dating Mrs “right now” when they know she will never be “Mrs. Right”.

 

2) He Himself Won’t Know Whether He Was Ever Into You

When times get rough, if the man is the one who pursued you, he will remind himself that at  pursue mensome point he was crazy about you even if he is not now.  However, if you are the one who pursued him, you won’t even be able to ask, “Why did you marry me then’?

Do you want him thinking,  “I should never have let her CONVINCE me to go out with me?”

 

3) You Are Giving Up Your Femininity

Part of being feminine is being pursued.  In courtship, woman are to be delicate, not forward.

Understand, it is a beautiful thing to be pursued.

If you pursue, you are acting like a man.

 

4) When a Woman is Rejected, It Hurts Bad

“Hell hath no fury than that of a woman scorned”.

Women were not meant to be rejected in this way.  If you pursue a man and he says no, how will you feel?  Your whole dignity is impacted.

 

5 ) When You Pursue Men, You Set a Bad Precedent

If you get married, do you want to be in the man’s role? Do you want to be the one leading the relationship and being in charge?  I bet you don’t. Don’t set a bad precedent.

 

6) If You Don’t Pursue Men, You do Your Part in Bringing Chivalry Back

Men were meant to do the hard things.  Men have become so frightened that they don’t want to even enter the courtship game.

They’re afraid of rejection. They’re afraid of humiliation.

We need to help our men be strong, not make it easy for them.

So ladies, can we agree that we will stop pursuing men?   Please.