Showing Affection in a Chaste Courtship: How Far is Too Far?
You’re spending some time at the park with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and judging by the googly eyes you’re giving each other, you are both feeling overwhelmed with romantic love and passion, and want to show it. But how far is too far?
Before you know it you’re embracing, and since you’re good Catholic kids, you’re pacing yourself to make sure you don’t go too far.
After all, you have your boundaries. You’ve discussed them and you both agreed to do certain things and not others.
However, as the minutes tick by, somewhere at the edge of your brain, is a little voice that is telling you that maybe you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing.
The question of “how far is too far”, is one that is both easy and complex at the same time.
Obviously, if you avoid all signs of physical affection, along with improper speech, you’re in the clear.
But life is not always like that.
Sometimes you want to show affection to the person you are in a courting relationship with.
How far is too far?
Every couple is different and what works for some might not work for others. Boundaries defined by couples might differ. So “how far is too far” may be different for different couples, within reason.
For example, my position when it comes to open-mouth kissing is to avoid it altogether.
Let’s look at some questions you can ask yourself to make that determinatioon.
Is Your Intention Arousal or Affection?
Arousal and affection, can get a little muddled, can’t it?
Even a closed-mouth kiss can be arousing, depending on the intention.
Some feelings of desire are inevitable when a man and a woman who like each other spend time alone (don’t spend too much time alone).
How do you know if you’re getting near the danger zone?
Are you experiencing physical signs of arousal?
Do you get a thrill after going a little further each time? That should clue you that the reason you’re showing affection is either to entice or become aroused yourself.
Be honest with yourself and identify your intention.
Are you starting to fantasize about being married so you can go all the way?
Of course, it is natural for us to desire our future spouses and to daydream somewhat about being one flesh. However, you should try not to linger on those thoughts, because they have a way of popping up in when you’re spending time with your beau or gal.
We can’t help the thoughts that enter our minds, but if you start fantasizing about sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend, while expressing affection, you’re already in the danger zone.
By the way, this is the way the devil tricks us in to thinking we’re doing something proper by fantasizing about sex after marriage, when all that’s happening is that we’re getting more and more sex-focused, which can lead to either devaluing the relationship or lowering our guard.
Do You Sometimes Fear That You Might Be Going Too Far?
Once you begin to fear going too far, that means your inner radar, aka your conscience, is warning you and it’s time to take a step back.
You wouldn’t feel that way if both your body, mind and soul weren’t picking up danger signals.
If we would listen to our conscience rather than overide it, we would avoid quite a bit of trouble.
I hope these guidelines were helpful.
How did you know in the past when you were going too far?
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