Male Virginity is Manly

male virginityBefore I became Catholic, but when I was still an evangelical, I felt a slight aversion to men who were virgins. Many of the ladies in my circle were in agreement that virginity for women was attractive, but we wanted husbands who could “show us the way”. Male virginity was nothing to strive for.

Maybe we read too many Harlequin romances, which were popular at that time. In those romances, the women were virginal and inexperienced while the men were dashing and very experienced. Even though we believed fornication was wrong, we were encouraged to “turn a blind eye” to men’s previous dalliances.

Recently, I posted a question to my Facebook community about why Catholic men were so afraid to approach women.

One of the men commented that “Being a virgin means you are less confident with women. In today’s world, being a virgin into your twenties is WEIRD. 99% of men you see have had multiple serious girlfriends.”

He’s right. Although we are “in the world, but not of the world”, lines have a way of being blurred.

The Catholic Church makes no distinction between male virginity and female virginity. In fact, devout Catholic women seem to want their future spouse to be virgins. The idea of saving oneself for one’s spouse is attractive.

However, men still have to deal with ribbing from non-Catholic men and women,and less devout Catholics.

So how does one maintain one’s manly confidence in such a situation?

It Takes Strength to Resist Temptation

male virginity

How do we know? Take a look at these Saints’ quotes about chastity.

St Basil the Great

St Basil the great describes a Christian engaged in a fight for purity as a “wrestler”.

“As the Pilot of a Vessel is tried in the storm, as the wrestler is tried in the ring, the soldier in battle and the hero in adversity, so is the Christian tried in temptation.” St Basil the Great.

St Jose Maria Escriva

St Jose Maria Escriva goes as far as implying that giving in to temptation is not manly.

“Be a Man. When you decide firmly to live a pure life, chastity will not be a burden to you; it will be a crown of triumph”. St Jose Maria Escriva.

St Pope John Paul II

St John Paul II addresses not only male virginity and chastity, but a man’s role in a woman’s chastity.

“God has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman”. EWTN.

I’m including these quotes here only to show that resisting temptation is in fact manly. It is a badge of honor to remain a virgin in this world where virginity is scoffed at.

So instead of feeling insecure and shy when approaching women, you should feel confident and strong, through the grace of God. If you’re able to overcome temptation, then any women in court will be able to rely on you to not do anything that would lead her into temptation.

What if You Already Lost Your Virginity?

“Lust indulged became habit, and habit unresisted became necessity.” St Augustine.

God forgives us and if you meet the right woman, she will love you despite your past.

If you previously led an impure life, it might even take more strength to resist temptation. We are creatures of habit. Sometimes it is even harder to remain pure when you have already previously indulged.

Do what you need to do to avoid falling into impurity.

If you fall, get up and try again.

Your male virginity or avoidance of impurity is a testament to your manly strength.

Go forth with confidence.

Happy Courting!


Recommended Books
Psst… Chaste Courtship gets a commission if you buy through our link.  Thank you!

Be Not Afraid: A Book of Quotes for Catholic Men
Answers to the Catholic Man Crisis: Collected Articles from Those Catholic Men

 




Showing Affection in a Chaste Courtship: How Far is Too Far?

How far is too far You’re spending some time at the park with your boyfriend or girlfriend,  and judging by the googly eyes you’re giving each other,  you are both feeling overwhelmed with romantic love and passion,  and want to show it. But how far is too far?

Before you know it you’re embracing, and since you’re good Catholic kids, you’re pacing yourself to make sure you don’t go too far. 

After all, you have your boundaries.   You’ve discussed them and you both agreed to do certain things and not others. 

However, as the minutes tick by, somewhere at the edge of your brain, is a little voice that is telling you that maybe you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing.

The question  of “how far is too far”,  is one that is both easy and complex at the same time.

Obviously, if you avoid all signs of physical affection, along with improper speech, you’re in the clear.

But life is not always like that.

Sometimes you want to show affection to the person you are in a courting relationship with.

How far is too far?

how far is too far

Every couple is different and what works for some might not work  for others. Boundaries defined by couples might differ. So “how far is too far” may be different for different couples, within reason. 

For example, my position when it comes to open-mouth kissing is to avoid it altogether.

Let’s look at some  questions you can ask yourself to make that determinatioon.  

Is Your Intention Arousal or Affection?

how far is too far

Arousal and affection, can get a little muddled, can’t it?

Even a closed-mouth kiss can be arousing, depending on the intention.
Some feelings of desire are inevitable when a man and a woman who like each other spend time alone (don’t spend too much time alone).

How do you know if you’re getting near the danger zone?

Are you experiencing physical signs of arousal?

Do you get a thrill  after going a little further each time? That should clue you that the reason you’re showing affection is either to entice or become aroused yourself. 

Be honest with yourself and identify  your intention. 

Are you starting to fantasize about being married so you can go all the way?

Of course, it is natural for us to desire our future spouses and to daydream somewhat about being one flesh.   However, you should try not to linger  on those thoughts, because they have a way of popping up in when you’re spending time with your beau or gal.

We can’t help the thoughts that enter our minds, but if you start fantasizing about sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend, while expressing affection, you’re already in the danger zone.

By the way, this is the way the devil tricks us in to thinking we’re doing something proper by fantasizing about sex after marriage, when all that’s happening is that we’re getting more and more sex-focused, which can lead to either devaluing the relationship or lowering our guard. 

Do  You Sometimes Fear That You Might Be Going Too Far?

Once you begin to fear going too far, that means your inner radar, aka your conscience,  is warning you and it’s time to take a step back.

You wouldn’t feel that way if both your body, mind and soul weren’t picking up danger signals.

If we would listen to our conscience rather than overide it, we would avoid quite a bit of trouble.

I hope these guidelines were helpful. 

How did you know in the past when you were going too far?


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