It’s time to make this official statement: just because we got engaged after 5 months of courtship, doesn’t mean you should too.”
Let me tell you about someone who rushed into marriage when she shouldn’t have.
Jennifer was desperate to get married, and after reading many books about courtship, she decided to pressure her boyfriend to marry her. They had been courting for 4 months and she wanted to to ensure she got her ring within 6 months!
Deep down, she knew there were a few troubling aspects of her relationship. For one thing, he was very secretive and would not allow her to touch his phone, even to use his apps. One time, she outright asked him if he was concerned she would see some sensitive texts and he teased that she was acting jealous.
The other troubling issue was that even though he told her he had an annulment years ago, he could never quite get around to showing her the official papers.
But she wanted to marry and she was afraid that 6 months would come and go with no sign of a ring.
So she pressured him until he proposed to her. He finally did show her the annulment papers and they were married within a year.
They were also separated after five months due to infidelity, and sadly divorced within a year.
Three to Get Married
What Can You Learn From This Story?
Since I’ve been writing about courtship, I have become more and more aware that sometimes readers don’t use posts as guidelines, but as literal maps.
It is important to know that there courtship guidelines are just that: guidelines.
It is true that if you are following “The Four Stages of Courtship”, which I first heard about through Fr Chad Ripperger, engagement usually happens around 6 months, and no longer than a year. However, your mileage may vary.
It is also true that I am really passionate about women not wasting their time. The key to not wasting your time is to get good at sorting and filtering, and knowing when it is time to move on.
The power of NEXT is tremendous.
What if You Are Ready to Be Engaged After 5 Months?
If you go through the proper stages of courtship the proper way: friendship, courtship, engagement & marriage, it is possible you might get engaged after 5 months or 6 months, or 7.
But do not allow the length of days to force you into a bad marriage.
Recommended Reading on Courtship & Marriage
- Dear Newlyweds, by Pope Pius XII
- Three to Get Married By Ven. Fulton Sheen
- Prayer to St Raphael for the Wise Choice of a Married Partner
Pingback: Love’s All That Matters – Rev. Daniel A. Lord, S.J. | Finer Femininity
As any Traditional Catholic would notice right off, there are several things wrong with this situation. First, did the young man have the girl’s father’s permission to court her? Second, did he have a job and was he able to support her and their children? Third, he should be the one courting her, not the other way around, and they don’t court each other. Fourth, 5 months is probably too LONG a courtship, not too short. After two red flags, and her father’s and priest’s guidance, she would have known not to accept his proposal. But I’m sure we all agree with the main premise here: don’t pressure a guy into asking you to marry him. Either end the courtship or wait till he proposes.