Is My Courtship Chaste? Definition of Chastity In Courtship

chastity definition

Chastity Definition

A confused reader sent me this question:

My girlfriends and I don’t see eye-to-eye on the definition of chastity within courtship.   Some think French-kissing is chaste. Some think petting is chaste unless you go too far. Can you give us the official  chastity definition?

Dear Barbara,

Great question!

For the purposes of this site, it is fair to have a general chastity definition so that we’re on the same page. 

We can’t discuss a thing unless we have the definition off the thing, right?

Chastity is relevant for both the single life and the married life.  

However, we shall look at it under the lens of courtship. 

First let’s take a look at the definition of a chaste courtship.

What is a Chaste Courtship?

A chaste courtship is one in which the two parties in the relationship do not engage in any activity that is, or has the potential to be, sexually stimulating.

Increasingly, many singles are finding that chastity is the way to go.

Sex can be so confusing, especially for women.

Think of some off the married couples you know who have such horrific marriages, that you wonder why they even got married?

The reason some of them got married is because they became enamored with the idea that they were meant to be together solely because the sex was good.

Unfortunately, sex cannot keep a relationship together and premarital sex just confuses things.

So now let’s take a look at what chastity is not.

If your relationship has elements of any of the below, you’re obviously not involved in a chaste courtship.

Offenses Against Chastity

The Catechism of the Catholic Church lists these offenses against chastity:

Lustdisordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

Masturbation:  the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure.

Fornication is carnal union between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman.

Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties.

Prostitution does injury to the dignity of the person who engages in it, reducing the person to an instrument of sexual pleasure. 

Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity.

Many are able to avoid these obvious offenses against chastity.   The tricky part is maneuvering around the subtleties.

French Kissing

French kissing is a passionate kiss that involves the tongue. courtship definition

Make no mistake: The purpose of French kissing is to arouse the passions and turn the other person on.

Therefore, French kissing has no place in a chaste couple’s courtship.

If you think you’re only using French kissing to show affection, you are fooling yourself.

Why spend all your time resisting temptation when you can spend time properly discerning if this is the person you are meant to spend your life with?

And Now, the Official Chastity Definition

Chastity in courtship is the state or practice of avoiding premarital sex and any behavior or activity that can compromise the purity of your relationship.

So, if you want to know if your relationship is chaste, ask yourself if you’re compromising the purity of your relationship in any way.

How’s that for a chastity definition?

Share your thoughts below!


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