12 Questions to Help You Judge Marriage Compatibility

marriage compatibility

When you are seeking someone to marry, it’s important to determine if there is enough marriage compatibility.  Marriage compatibility defines how much you have in common.  In  other words, how similar are you? Those with high marriage compatibility tend to have marriages that last longer.

Your potential spouse does not have to be your clone.  You don’t have to  like all the same things and have the same hobbies, but you should have some things in common.

A good friend of my mom’s married a man who appears to be the exact opposite of her.  She is outgoing.  He is introverted.  She loves to travel and travels several times a year.  He doesn’t like to travel so they take few trips together.

However, neither of them appear troubled by this apparent incompatibility.   He doesn’t care if she takes vacations with her friends and she doesn’t complain that she wished she had a husband who travels with her.

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. ~Leo Tolstoy. Click To Tweet

How Can You Judge If You Have High Marriage Compatibility

Some of the questions  below come from a book called “Clean Love in Courtship” by Fr Lawrence G. Lovasik.

1. What does he like to do for fun?  Can you see yourself enjoying at least some of those activities?

2. Are there any habits now that not only get on your nerves, but which you find extraordinarily difficult to overlook?

3. Does he get along with your family, and you, with his?

4. Have you both sufficient health for marriage?

5. What are his habits of life: cleanliness, orderliness, good manners, good grammar?

6.  What are your attitudes toward food and exercise?  Is he or she a picky eater, gluten-free, vegetarian?

7. Do you agree on the roles of wives and husbands in a marriage?

8. Have you the same religion and the same standards concerning its practice?

9. Do you agree on how to raise children, including whether the wife will stay at home when children are small?

10. Do you feel at ease with each other?  Are your silences comfortable?

11. Can you tolerate her faults?

12. Do you believe he will make a good parent to your future children?

Try answering these questions alone and asking your potential spouse to answer some of  them? It should make for an interesting exercise.

You don’t have to have everything in common to get married, but if you really have nothing in common at all, you should seriously consider whether you are meant for each other, or else you’re in for a very tough time.

What kinds of questions do you ask prospective spouses?


Recommended Reading





Just Because We Got Engaged After 5 Months of Courtship, Doesn’t Mean You Should Too

engaged after 5 months

It’s time to make this official statement:   just because we got engaged after 5 months of courtship, doesn’t mean you should too.”

Let me tell you about someone who rushed into marriage when she shouldn’t have.

Jennifer was desperate to get married, and after reading many books about courtship, she decided to pressure her boyfriend to marry her.  They had been courting for 4 months and she wanted to to ensure she got her ring within 6 months!

Deep down, she knew there were a few troubling aspects of her relationship. For one thing, he was very secretive and would not allow her to touch his phone, even to use his apps. One time, she outright asked him if he was concerned she would see some sensitive texts and he teased that she was acting jealous.

The other troubling issue was that even though he told her he had an annulment years ago, he could never quite get around to showing her the official papers.

But she wanted to marry and she was afraid that 6 months would come and go with no sign of a ring.

So she pressured him until he proposed to her.  He finally did show her the annulment papers and they were married within a year.

They were also separated after five months due to infidelity, and sadly divorced within a year.
married at 5 months

What Can You Learn From This Story?

Since I’ve been writing about courtship, I have become more and more aware that sometimes readers don’t use posts as guidelines, but as literal maps.

It is important to know that there courtship guidelines are just that: guidelines.

It is true that if you are following “The Four Stages of Courtship”, which I first heard about through Fr Chad Ripperger, engagement usually happens around 6 months, and no longer than a year. However, your mileage may vary.

It is also true that I am really passionate about women not wasting their time. The key to not wasting your time is to get good at sorting and filtering, and knowing when it is time to move on.

The power of NEXT is tremendous.

What if You Are Ready to Be Engaged After 5 Months?

If you go through the proper stages of courtship the proper way: friendship, courtship, engagement & marriage, it is possible you might get engaged after 5 months or 6 months, or 7.

But do not allow the length of days to force you into a bad marriage.


Recommended Reading on Courtship & Marriage

If you buy through the links on this site, we may get a commission at no additional cost to you. Thanks for supporting this site!

 

Check out my FB Live Surprise Engagement


 




Male Virginity is Manly

male virginityBefore I became Catholic, but when I was still an evangelical, I felt a slight aversion to men who were virgins. Many of the ladies in my circle were in agreement that virginity for women was attractive, but we wanted husbands who could “show us the way”. Male virginity was nothing to strive for.

Maybe we read too many Harlequin romances, which were popular at that time. In those romances, the women were virginal and inexperienced while the men were dashing and very experienced. Even though we believed fornication was wrong, we were encouraged to “turn a blind eye” to men’s previous dalliances.

Recently, I posted a question to my Facebook community about why Catholic men were so afraid to approach women.

One of the men commented that “Being a virgin means you are less confident with women. In today’s world, being a virgin into your twenties is WEIRD. 99% of men you see have had multiple serious girlfriends.”

He’s right. Although we are “in the world, but not of the world”, lines have a way of being blurred.

The Catholic Church makes no distinction between male virginity and female virginity. In fact, devout Catholic women seem to want their future spouse to be virgins. The idea of saving oneself for one’s spouse is attractive.

However, men still have to deal with ribbing from non-Catholic men and women,and less devout Catholics.

So how does one maintain one’s manly confidence in such a situation?

It Takes Strength to Resist Temptation

male virginity

How do we know? Take a look at these Saints’ quotes about chastity.

St Basil the Great

St Basil the great describes a Christian engaged in a fight for purity as a “wrestler”.

“As the Pilot of a Vessel is tried in the storm, as the wrestler is tried in the ring, the soldier in battle and the hero in adversity, so is the Christian tried in temptation.” St Basil the Great.

St Jose Maria Escriva

St Jose Maria Escriva goes as far as implying that giving in to temptation is not manly.

“Be a Man. When you decide firmly to live a pure life, chastity will not be a burden to you; it will be a crown of triumph”. St Jose Maria Escriva.

St Pope John Paul II

St John Paul II addresses not only male virginity and chastity, but a man’s role in a woman’s chastity.

“God has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman”. EWTN.

I’m including these quotes here only to show that resisting temptation is in fact manly. It is a badge of honor to remain a virgin in this world where virginity is scoffed at.

So instead of feeling insecure and shy when approaching women, you should feel confident and strong, through the grace of God. If you’re able to overcome temptation, then any women in court will be able to rely on you to not do anything that would lead her into temptation.

What if You Already Lost Your Virginity?

“Lust indulged became habit, and habit unresisted became necessity.” St Augustine.

God forgives us and if you meet the right woman, she will love you despite your past.

If you previously led an impure life, it might even take more strength to resist temptation. We are creatures of habit. Sometimes it is even harder to remain pure when you have already previously indulged.

Do what you need to do to avoid falling into impurity.

If you fall, get up and try again.

Your male virginity or avoidance of impurity is a testament to your manly strength.

Go forth with confidence.

Happy Courting!


Recommended Books
Psst… Chaste Courtship gets a commission if you buy through our link.  Thank you!

Be Not Afraid: A Book of Quotes for Catholic Men
Answers to the Catholic Man Crisis: Collected Articles from Those Catholic Men

 




Courtship Passivity: A Desire to Get Married Without Action is Just a Wish

Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900-1944)  was a French pioneering aviator, poet, writer and aristocrat, who penned the phrase,  “A goal without action is just a wish”.  In the same way, a goal or desire to get married without action, is just a wish.

Wishful thinking is good because it provides you with vision, but without taking actionable steps, those dreams remain wishful thinking.

The question is, are we called to simply wish for marriage or are we called to take action and make it happen?

“Courtship passivity is when men are generally reluctant to approach women in order to court them, or when women are not generally open to men’s courtship advances, while expressing a desire for marriage. ” ~Cynthia Burley

Here are some common excuses for what I coin “courtship passivity”.

If God Wants Me to Marry, He Will Send  Someone My Way

It is true that nothing happens outside of God’s will, but it doesn’t mean we should sit at home waiting for someone to come-a-calling.

How will your recognize if God actually sends you someone?

Will you know because the two of you  seem to have everything in common and finish each other’s sentences?

Will you get chills when you’re around her?

Seriously, how will you know?

The truth is that it is not always obvious.   That’s why you should keep an open mind when  you meet new people.

I Want to Get Married, but I Can’t Find Anyone

Our society has its priorities backwards.   The almighty career has replaced the family. 

In the past, both men and women expected to either get married, enter a convent/monastery or,  as a  last resort, resign themselves to the single life.

Now, it seems that single is the default and you only get married after you have been dating and sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend for a few years. That is,  if you decide that he or she is worthy of marriage.

As a result, it is harder to find someone who has a marriage mindset.

It’s hard to change people, but we can change ourselves.

You can start by making it clear to anyone who is interested in you that you are looking to marry,  so as not to waste your time.

Since You Can’t Force Anyone to Court or Marry You, What Should You Do?

There are a few things you can do to increase your odds of finding a spouse.

Pray

Everything starts with prayer.  Pray that God will prepare you for your future spouse.  Pray that you recognize him or her instead of letting worldly expectations blind you.  Pray that you will have a chaste courtship.

Here is a prayer you can use.

Be Approachable


Approachability is especially  important for women, because traditionally, men are the ones who pursue.

Why wuuld anyone approach you if you don’t look approachable?

The biggest way to look approachable is to smile.

When You Smile,  You Usually Get a Smile Back

Marco Iacoboni, a neuroscientist at the University of California, did a study on mirror neurons, which showed that when you smile at someone,  he or she wants to smile too.

Mirror neurons deal with empathy and imitation.   When you observe an action, and you automatically simulate that action, your mirror neurons cause that to happen.

“When I see you smiling, my mirror neurons for smiling fire up, too, initiating a cascade of neural activity that evokes the feeling we typically associate with a smile. I don’t need to make any inference on what you are feeling, I experience immediately and effortlessly (in a milder form, of course) what you are experiencing.” See mirror neurons,

Smiling Makes You More Attractive

Psychologists at  at Swansea University discovered a link between smiling faces and the perception of health.

According to their study, the face on the left was rated less healthy than the face on the right, simply because of a smile.


If you think about it, it makes sense.

What is one way we exhibit that all is well with us? We usually smile, laugh and look otherwise healthy,  when we are well.

On the contrary, if you are experiencing health issues, you are less likely to smile.

“Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” St Teresa of Calcutta.

Allow Yourself to be Found

Although it is  possible to find someone online, chances are you will probably meet your potential spouse offline.

So yes, join online dating sites like CatholicMatch, but don’t stop there.

Join singles groups, attend youth fellowships, join meetups, or the choir.

Strategically place yourself anywhere members of the opposite sex can be found.

Make Friends with Older, Married Couples 

Some younger people only hang out with people their age.   It’s useful  to hang out with older people for a number of reasons.

  • Older people can give you courtship advice.
  • Older people are friends with parents of single, young people.
  • That’s right. Older people  might have friends with children who are looking to marry too!

We may get a commission if you sign up with the service below, at no additional cost to you. 

A desire to get married is just a wish unless you are intentional and take steps to optimize your chances of meeting someone.

I hope it’s clear that if you want to get married, you should wish for it but you should also take action.

It’s just prudent.

Happy Courting!




PRAYER TO ST RAPHAEL FOR THE WISE CHOICE OF A MARRIAGE PARTNER

PRAYER TO ST RAPHAEL

FOR THE WISE CHOICE OF A MARRIAGE PARTNER

prayer to st raphael for the wise choice of a marriage partnerO Glorious St. Raphael, Patron and Lover of the Young, I call upon thee  and plead with thee for thy help. In all confidence I open my heart to thee, to beg thy guidance and assistance in the important task of planning my future. Obtain for me through thy intercession the light of God’s grace, so that I may decide wisely concerning the person who is to be my partner through life. O Angel of Happy Meetings, lead us by the hand to find each other. May all our movements be guided by thy light and transfigured by thy joy. As thou didst lead the young Tobias to Sara and opened up for him a new life of happiness with her in holy marriage, lead me to such a one whom in thine angelic wisdom thou dost judge best suited to be united with me in marriage.

St. Raphael, loving patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help me in this supreme decision of my life. Find for me as a helpmate in life that person whose character will reflect the traits of Jesus and Mary. May he(she) be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with chaste and unselfish love, we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please God to entrust to our care.

St. Raphael, Angel of chaste courtship, bless our friendship and our love, that sin may have no part in it. May our mutual love bind us so closely that our future home may ever be most like the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Offer thy prayers to God for both of us and obtain the blessing of God upon our marriage, as thou wert the herald of blessing for the marriage of Tobias and Sara.

St. Raphael, friend of the young, be thou my friend, for I shall always be thine. I desire to ever invoke thee in my needs. To thy special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future wife (husband). Direct me to the person with whom I can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life and attain eternal joy in the next.  Amen.




Banish Your Unchaste Thoughts

What Are Unchaste Thoughts?

In a nutshell, unchaste thoughts are sexually arousing or impure, sinful thoughts. They come in three  unchaste thoughtsflavors.

  • Involuntary.  The unchaste thought enters your mind and you immediately do your best to banish it from your mind.
  • Involuntary that becomes voluntary: The unchaste thought enters your mind and you linger on it and take pleasure in thinking about it.
  • Voluntary: You set aside a time to think about the particular unchaste thought/activity.  An example would be someone who can’t wait to leave work so that that he could lay in bed, thinking more about something impure he’d like to do.

“If the mind takes pleasure in unlawful thoughts, which it ought to banish at their first appearance, it evidently commits a sin, and this even when it does not propose to itself to execute what it thought.” ~ St Augustine

Moral theology says that we do not sin if an impure thought enters our minds.

But if once you know that what you think of is unchaste and sinful, and nevertheless entertain it with pleasure without fighting against it and trying to banish it from your mind, you commit a mortal sin, because the pleasure in the unchaste thought is entirely voluntary. It is not necessary that you take pleasure in the unchaste object for any length of time; for, to entertain this voluntary pleasure only for a moment, is a mortal sin. That impure thoughts, in which we take voluntary pleasure, are grievous sins, St. Augustine teaches in these words: “If the mind takes pleasure in unlawful thoughts, which it ought to banish at their first appearance, it evidently commits a sin, and this even when it does not propose to itself to execute what it thought.” Rev. John Evangelist Zohlner, The Pulpit Orator: Low Sunday through the Fourth Sunday After Pentecost Vol. 3 (1884)

When you’re lonely, it is easy to fall into a fantasy life, to look forward to getting home so you can relish those thoughts of how you want your life to be.

If you’re not careful, you can fall into all sorts of sin like masturbation and porn.

unchaste thoughts

How to  Banish Unchaste Thoughts

Here are some ways to banish unchaste thoughts:

Firmly Intend to Not Linger On Unchaste Thoughts

“Daniel “purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself” (Daniel 1:8)”

All good actions require an act of the will.  Will with all your heart that you will not fall into sin.

Recognize That You Can’t Do It Alone

The Act of Contrition ends with the following: “I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life.”

If you truly want to banish a sinful habit, cry out to God and plead with Him to help  you.   He will.

 

Attend Daily Mass & Adoration

If you are able, attend daily Mass and receive the Eucharist.  The Eucharist feeds, us and sustains us.  Offer up your struggles  with chastity and unchaste thoughts to the One who can free you from all vice.

 

Ask for Our Lady to Intercede for You

“More souls go to hell because of the sin of the flesh than for any other reason. Our Lady of Fatima.

Our Lady is our mother and she shows us how to live lives free of impurity. She desires to show us how to please her son.

Specifically, cultivate a devotion to the Rosary.

Many have broken patterns of sin by praying the Rosary every night.

 

Avoid Anything That Might Create an Occasion of Sin for You

Jessy thought he was immune to movies with explicit, sexual content. “Most decent movies, have some sort of sexual content,” he rationalized. I can focus on the main theme of the movie and not focus at all on the sexual content.”

Jessy thought he was immune to movies with explicit, sexual content. “Most decent movies, have some sort of sexual content,” he rationalized. I can focus on the main theme of the movie and not focus at all on the sexual content.”

This is what he thought until he started to struggle.

At night time when everyone else was asleep, his mind drifted to what he had seen earlier and he began to fantasize about engaging in those same acts.

We are not as immune as we might think.

 

Read the Lives of the Saints unchaste thoughts

The Saints lived by example and you can’t read the lives of the saints without having the desire to be saintlier.  Check out some recommended books in the resource section below.

In a world where sexual intimacy is the norm even while dating, it can be incredibly hard to not think about and desire to have sex, as a single person.   Even though it can be hard, a chaste mindnis totally achievable.   This year,  why not crucify your unchaste thoughts on the cross?


Resources

If you purchase through our site links, we may get a commission. Thanks for supporting Chaste Courtship!

Chaste Courtship Articles
Prayer to Jesus, Mary & Joseph for Purity
Three Ways to Overcome Porn

Saint Books
The Perfect Joy of St Francis
The Story  of a Soul – The Autobiography of St Therese de Lisieux

Rosaries
Rugged Rosaries
Ladies’ Rosaries




Showing Affection in a Chaste Courtship: How Far is Too Far?

How far is too far You’re spending some time at the park with your boyfriend or girlfriend,  and judging by the googly eyes you’re giving each other,  you are both feeling overwhelmed with romantic love and passion,  and want to show it. But how far is too far?

Before you know it you’re embracing, and since you’re good Catholic kids, you’re pacing yourself to make sure you don’t go too far. 

After all, you have your boundaries.   You’ve discussed them and you both agreed to do certain things and not others. 

However, as the minutes tick by, somewhere at the edge of your brain, is a little voice that is telling you that maybe you shouldn’t be doing what you’re doing.

The question  of “how far is too far”,  is one that is both easy and complex at the same time.

Obviously, if you avoid all signs of physical affection, along with improper speech, you’re in the clear.

But life is not always like that.

Sometimes you want to show affection to the person you are in a courting relationship with.

How far is too far?

how far is too far

Every couple is different and what works for some might not work  for others. Boundaries defined by couples might differ. So “how far is too far” may be different for different couples, within reason. 

For example, my position when it comes to open-mouth kissing is to avoid it altogether.

Let’s look at some  questions you can ask yourself to make that determinatioon.  

Is Your Intention Arousal or Affection?

how far is too far

Arousal and affection, can get a little muddled, can’t it?

Even a closed-mouth kiss can be arousing, depending on the intention.
Some feelings of desire are inevitable when a man and a woman who like each other spend time alone (don’t spend too much time alone).

How do you know if you’re getting near the danger zone?

Are you experiencing physical signs of arousal?

Do you get a thrill  after going a little further each time? That should clue you that the reason you’re showing affection is either to entice or become aroused yourself. 

Be honest with yourself and identify  your intention. 

Are you starting to fantasize about being married so you can go all the way?

Of course, it is natural for us to desire our future spouses and to daydream somewhat about being one flesh.   However, you should try not to linger  on those thoughts, because they have a way of popping up in when you’re spending time with your beau or gal.

We can’t help the thoughts that enter our minds, but if you start fantasizing about sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend, while expressing affection, you’re already in the danger zone.

By the way, this is the way the devil tricks us in to thinking we’re doing something proper by fantasizing about sex after marriage, when all that’s happening is that we’re getting more and more sex-focused, which can lead to either devaluing the relationship or lowering our guard. 

Do  You Sometimes Fear That You Might Be Going Too Far?

Once you begin to fear going too far, that means your inner radar, aka your conscience,  is warning you and it’s time to take a step back.

You wouldn’t feel that way if both your body, mind and soul weren’t picking up danger signals.

If we would listen to our conscience rather than overide it, we would avoid quite a bit of trouble.

I hope these guidelines were helpful. 

How did you know in the past when you were going too far?


Purity Resources

If you buy through the links on this site, Chaste Courtship might get a commission. Thanks for supporting Chaste Courtship!




Too Close Too Soon? 3 Ways to Safeguard Your Heart Through Emotional Purity

emotional purity

For those singles who believe in chaste courtship and sexual purity,  avoiding premarital sex is a given.  However, what is more nuanced and not so easy, is maintaining emotional purity.

In the same way physical purity involves setting boundaries when it comes to  physical intimacy, emotional purity refers to setting boundaries around your heart so that you don’t become too close, too quickly,  to someone you are in a relationship with.

What’s wrong with being vulnerable and how are we supposed to get to know each other, if we don’t relax those boundaries?

Good question.

Tammy & John met on the internet and knew they were meant to be with each other from the get-go.   They had so much in common, including  their love for God and our Lady.  Since they were local,  they began to see each other twice a week.  Within a matter of 3 weeks, they were telling each other everything and spending hours on the phone.

However, it turned out that Tammy had a huge temper, something she had not yet mentioned. One day, during a disagreement,  Tammy  slapped John.

John was shocked and devastated.

You see, he had been in a relationship where he was physcially abused by his girlfriend.  Having been raised as a gentleman he never hit her back, but he began to doubt the longevity of the relationship.

Unfortunatelty,  it  took him 2 years to untangle himself from that relationship.

He knew that given his history, he should probably break up with Tammy, but since they  had gotten so close, he was loathe to do so, especially when the tears started flowing.  He couldn’t bear to see her cry.

If Tammy and John had not gotten so close so quickly, it would have been easier for him to tell her that it was just not working out.

So how can you tell if you’re getting too close too quickly?

If you suddenly feel like you’re in love after two weeks and you start looking at reception halls,  then you’re already in trouble.

Would you like to avoid this type of complication? Pace yourself and avoid these 3 pitfalls.

 

emotional purity

 

1) Don’t Have Discussions of Your Past Sins or Current Sins Too Early

In discerning our future spouses, we have to look for virtue.  This involves learning someone’s  strengths and weakenesses. However, doing so too quickly has its  perils.

For example, if you were sexually active in the past, your significant other should know that.

However, you don’t need to go into details that you haven’t shared with anyone else and you don’t have to ask the other person to pray for your current struggles with chastity.

This puts the other person in the role of “counselor” so they feel  responsible for  you.   At the same time, you become dependent on that person to help you solve your problems.

Emotional purity is threatened  by making you feel close to each other prematurely.

2) Don’t Fantasize Together About Marriage in the Early Weeks

Although your intention to find someone to marry should be clear from the beginning, fantazing early on in the relationship about the house you’re going to have or the amount of children you will have, or the dinner ritual you will have, can affect your objective judgment of the relationship. It is  important that you’re able to properly discern without heavy emotions getting in the way.

If you can conceive it, you can achieve it.

The more you fantasize about your future life, the more committed you will be to making it a reality. The question is, “do you yet know if you want to make it a reality”?

Although talking about the future in this way is entirely appropriate further on in the relationship,  if you do it too soon, you risk prematurely getting too close to someone you don’t even know yet.

3) Don’t Spend Too Much Time Together Alone

Ideally in a courtship, most of the time you spend together will be spent at the parent’s house or in the presence of a  trusted mentor or older couple.

However, life is not perfect and sometimes a young couple  may not  live close to their parents or they might not have a mentor, or they might be an older couple.

Don’t spend every day together the minute you meet.

Don’t get into a rhythm which might give you the false impression that you or your guy/gal has made  a greater commitment than the two of you actually have.

To recap,  emotional purity is important early on in the relationship when you are discerning.  Both men and women need to safeguard their hearts (women even more so) to avoid making an imprudent decision.




Buyer’s Remorse is Not Rape

Buyer’s remorse is not rape.

Ladies, some men are jerks and will treat you like garbage after sex. However, “buyer’s remorse” is not rape & false accusations do a disservice to real rape victims.

Choose wisely or better yet, choose marriage before sex.

I’ll say it once more.

Buyer’s remorse is not rape!

If this message resonates with you, pass it on!

buyer's remorse is not rape




You’re So Pretty. Why Are You Still Single?

why are you still single?Most single women have been asked this question by a guy at one time or another. 

Something about this question stokes our insecurities.  Why aren’t we married? Is there something wrong with us?   

Why does this  question cause us to question ourselves? 

What Does Why Are You Still Single” Mean?

why are you still single

For a small percentage of guys, it is a way of complimenting women – in the most awkward way, possible, but they don’t know that.

The guy can’t believe a woman so beautiful wouldn’t have a pool of eligible bachelors asking for her hand in marriage.

However, for some, there is a definite subtext to the question.  What the guy is really wondering is:

– Why can’t you keep a man?
– Do you have some sort of baggage?
– Are you one of those feminists?
– What hidden defect do you have?

It’s no wonder this question automatically puts a woman in defense mode.

However, ladies, if you want to keep your cool and elegance, you’ll have to skip the sarcastic comeback.

The way to do that is to assume the best.

Scripture tells us that “whatsoever things are lovely, think on these things”.

So, let’s assume the guy has no emotional intelligence, but means well. How do you respond to such a question?

Chances are, he doesn’t mean to insult you,  especially if he asks you that while out on a date. 

He probably means to compliment you. He wants to tell you how attractive you are and is surprised you haven’t been “wifed” by someone yet.  

Possible Calm Answers to “You’re So Pretty.  Why Are You Still Single”?

Recently, I was listening to a podcast called Awesome Etiquette, which is run by Emily Post’s great, great grandchildren.  They gave some possible responses.

Option 1

I didn’t realize the two were connected.” 

 This should be said with a smile, otherwise it can come across as sarcastic.

Option 2

 If only it were that simple. 

Also say this with a smile.

This answer acknowledges the compliment, while educating the guy that one is not related to another. 

So now that I’ve given you two options, you will never be flustered by this question again. 

There is one more option, ladies.

The next time someone says, “You’re so pretty; why are you still single?”, smile sweetly and say, “Have you heard of a site called chastecourtship.com”?

Ladies, have you been asked this question?

How about the guys, have you asked this  before?